3- Provoking positive affections

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2- Stopping selfishness 4- Belief in one's own speech

As it was also referred to in the previous discussion, one shall always try to avoid confliction of intellect and affections in two opposite parts. Rather, he shall attempt to orient the affections in the same direction of intellect for supporting intellect's attraction power just like the power of moon in low and high tide, which is sometimes supported by sun's gravitation for being in the same direction, and for attainment to this purpose, following methods should be applied in a bid to provoke affections.

1- Name of everybody is the most favorable word and most harmonic song for him. So one shall call him respectfully with his name for provoking his affections, and if he has several names, the most interested and respectful name should be selected. We have read in the traditions a man should be called with his nickname(1). (Nickname is the most respectful name with Arabs).

It is also narrated in respect to tempers of Prophet S.A. that he called everybody with his best name and even selected an appropriate nickname for those lacking any nickname.

2- First, an opportunity should be granted to the others for saying their utterances, and one shall carefully listen to what they say. This shows that one is really seeking for the fact, and moreover, he is also sympathetic and assumes respect and reputation for the other party. Each of these aspects has an effective share in provoking one's positive affections.

On other hand, naturally everyone focuses all of his power in expression of his idea and arguments, and only intends to divulge what is in his mind, and surely in this condition, he does not have any readiness for acceptance of others. So, expressing our own matters and arguments before his complete evacuation is just like seeding in a thorny and brushy land.

It often happens that individuals have some complexes, which are opened, through expressing them, and then they are changed to normal individuals for hearing the truth. We read about Prophet S.A. and leaders of right guidance A.S. that they granted an opportunity to the other parties for speaking.

3- Expressing desire to what the other party likes, and speaking about those who have a significant share in provoking the individual's affections. We read about Prophet S.A. that sometimes when he was alone with some of his companions, he asked them about their family concerns and wife and children and whatever they liked.

4- The admirable or acceptable parts of utterance of the other party should be remarked so that his soul will become ready for accepting weak points and mistakes of the others.

5- Practical sympathy, in its real sense, is one of the most critical factors in provoking affections of others and making their mental condition ready for acceptance of fundamental matters. If they observe a real sympathy from the speaker, they may accept his arguments even if they are not completely acceptable for them, and make themselves understood that his comments are correct and any of his proposals is beneficial for them.

One of the reasons for wonderful welcome from the speeches of Prophet S.A. was this point that every body recognized him as his real sympathetic one so that non acceptance of the right way by some people appeared in the Prophet S.A. as fatal complexes:

فَلَعَلَّکَ باخِعٌ نَفْسَکَ عَلى آثارِهِمْ اِنْ لَمْ یُؤْمِنُوا بِهذَا الْحَدِیثِ اَسَفاً).

Yet perchance, if they believe not in this tiding, thou wilt consume thyself, following after them, of grief.(2)

And we read in respect to the biography of Prophet S.A.:

«وَلا یَأْتِیهِ اَحَدٌ حُرٌّ اَوْ عَبْدٌ اَوْ اَمَةٌ اِلاّ قامَ مَعَهُ فِی حاجَتِهِ».

Whoever came to him, either a freeman or slave and bondmaid, he accompanied him (her) and helped him in his work.(3)

6- The way of reminding mistakes should be so that if the affections of the other party are not provoked in the favor of speaker, at least they should not be hurt, and thereby the mistakes should be minded indirectly as far as possible.

The phrases like Don't you think that this is better?, Isn't it better to do so?, I sometimes do so, and such like are all phrases which could be used for reminding the mistakes indirectly.

7- We shall never provoke obstinacy sense of someone unduly, and if he insists on a matter which is not the main issue of discussion or criticizes it, we shall coordinate ourselves with him correctly in the criticism or supporting and defending it instead of opposition. This makes the other party disarmed and invites him to more reflection.

For instance, if we what to invite someone to Islam, and find that he has a negative idea about the Moslems and their situation and insists on it, we shall not defend the situation of Moslems so much. Rather, we too shall coordinate ourselves with him and mention some basic criticisms (of course, without exaggeration and indulgence) and then follow our main issue. Certainly, we will be more successful.


1- HorreAmeli, Vassaelo Shiite, volume 8, chapter 5
2- The Cave sura (18), verse 6
3- Majlessi, Beharol Anvar, 226/16

 

 

2- Stopping selfishness 4- Belief in one's own speech
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